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Saturday, July 2, 2011

There's More To Me Than My Blog

I talked to a friend recently with whom I hadn't spoken to in a while and mid-conversation, when we had reached the part when I was all up to date on the current events of her life and it was time for her to ask about me, she said, "I already know everything that's going on with you, I read your blog.".

"Oh." And with that, the call was pretty much over.

Here's what I should have said:

"Um, no you don't and why would you think that anyway?"

This is not the first time I've heard this.

And this is not the first time the comment has irked me hurt my feelings.

I'll be the first to admit that I share a lot here, but I don't blog about everything! 

Some things are meant to be private. And I've learned that the hard way a couple of times. 

There are lots of topics that I refuse to discuss here. I will never share details of my marriage, my sex life, my struggle to have a second child, my relationship with my sister (again), my ex-husband (again) or basically anything else that could potentially hurt a relationship that is important to me or be used against me in a court of law.

I'm a social networking butterfly and communicate regularly with a lot of people via Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Instagram, Skype, instant messages through Scrabble and Words With Friends, texts, the rare phone call and if I'm really lucky, in person. Every once in a while it would be nice if the people I knew in real life would ask me about me instead of assuming they've read it all on my blog. 

Just saying.

If you're a blogger, does this ever happen to you? 

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Anonymous MamaRobinJ said...

How weird. I guess I could see how someone might assume that, but definitely not. That doesn't happen to me but that's probably because I blog about different stuff.

I wonder what she'll think when she sees this post...

July 2, 2011 at 4:08 PM  
Anonymous d said...

Nobody in my 'real' life knows about the existence of my blog - it's a carefully guarded secret, precisely because I don't want people to 'know' that much about me. My blog is my space to say anything I want to - without fear of judgment, or the awkwardness of having someone I'm not comfortable with knowing my innermost feelings. I don't want to feel censored.
But, back to you (sorry I'm rambling), I would have been annoyed with her comment as well. Obviously your blog doesn't capture you're whole existence, and to think it does is pretty ignorant of her.

July 2, 2011 at 5:35 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

I think it' really weird of her to say something like that to you.

July 2, 2011 at 5:59 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

How odd of someone to say something like this but I can understand where they are coming from. As you do blog everyday and include pictures of yourself and Lucas very often, I think it's somewhat accurate that they would feel like they have a handle on your life. I mean, isn't that why we blog? Isn't that why our blogs aren't private? So that our friends and family can read them and learn about what's going on in our lives...
Having said all that, I still think it's a bit rude for whoever it is to just assume there isn't more going on in your life. And yes, there are some things that are just too private to blog about. That's really the juicy stuff that they would probably want to know more about anyway. Does this person comment on your blog a lot? If not, then that's really annoying!

July 2, 2011 at 6:22 PM  
Blogger Cookie's Mom said...

I was just talking to my husband about this the other day. When I get together with a group of mom friends lately, they don't turn to me to ask how I am doing as often as in the past. The conversation often centres around others' news, and I've been wondering why. Hmm. I guess this explains it.

July 2, 2011 at 6:54 PM  
Blogger Jackie said...

My family and friends don't know about my blog so it hasn't happened to me, but I can definitely understand how that would bother you.

July 2, 2011 at 7:24 PM  
Blogger Elena said...

I've never had anyone say that to me but I can see why it would get to you. There are several things I don't share as well. There are things that I can't share right now and none of my readers would ever know about it because I don't say. You are much more than your blog because you're still a 3-dimensional human being!

July 2, 2011 at 7:44 PM  
Blogger Lynn MacDonald said...

Haha...I wrote a post on this Called say no more. People don't realize they only know what you letvthem know.

I agree

July 2, 2011 at 7:53 PM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

I have not kept my blog a secret, so all my family and friends know how to find it. None of them have bothered. So I have yet to run into this problem. But I think it would bother me as well if a friend said that to me. Because I do not share everything either. The things I would really need to discuss with a friend are not shared on my blog and so I would want a friend willing to hear those things. Not assume that they know everything that is happening in my life just because they read my blog.

July 2, 2011 at 8:00 PM  
Anonymous Yaya said...

Only a handful of people in my "real life" know about my blog, but I can imagine how this could be upsetting. I applaud you for setting boundaries and having the wisdom to know that some things are sacred. Keep up the great blogs!


July 2, 2011 at 8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can completely relate to this! I don't share my blog with many of my friends. It's mainly for me and my family and some friends, especially other friends who also blog. Generally speaking, I find that the for friends who do read the blog, blogging is an opportunity to get to deeper conversations more quickly, I don't have to rehash the details of a trip or experience because they've read about it already. It completely bugs me if I know someone reads the blog yet doesn't acknowledge it when i talk to them (why nod and smile while i'm rehashing this story when I know you've already read all about it?)
It's a different kind of relationship that blogging creates. I mean, I feel a closeness with you that I wouldn't have felt had I not read your blog, and I would guess you with me, even though I see you only once a year at most!
And while I share a lot about my life with my kids on the blog, it only scratches the surface of who I am. Just the surface.
See you soon! Maia

July 2, 2011 at 8:52 PM  
Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

It is a little irksome for someone to assume you put your whole life out there in your blog. I guess it's one of the detriments of blogging :)

I have yet to get this kind of reaction, seeing as my friends and family don't read my blog - most of my family don't know I have one, my friends have probably forgotten, and that's okay. I think it's for the best :)

July 2, 2011 at 10:38 PM  
Blogger Kim @ Mamas Monologues said...

I haven't had this kind of reaction, then again none of my family or friends know that I even have a blog. Or at least if they do know they haven't said anything to me. There are certain things I won't share on my site. Like you said above, those topics are meant to be kept private. We are still human beings, not just words on a screen. That comment would have hurt me as well!

July 2, 2011 at 10:46 PM  
Blogger Sophie said...

Your friend still has a lot to learn about you, a lot!

July 3, 2011 at 12:39 AM  
Anonymous Leighann said...

this hasn't happened to me, but mostly because people I talk to in real life don't keep up with my blog regularly.

July 3, 2011 at 5:32 AM  
Blogger Dominique Goh said...

I too don't blog about everything and have yet to receive such a comment. There are certain topics which I won't mention on my blog(s) which I rather speak to my friends on the phone or via skype.

July 3, 2011 at 6:47 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Yes! Family I don't see very often will say "Oh yeah, I read about that on your blog"'s crazy that they actually read it, but also that they don't think I have a life outside of my computer.

July 3, 2011 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Lizz said...

I've heard the same thing, and I'm a lot like you; there are things I simply don't bring up. My relationship with my sister, work stuff for me or hubs, there's a bunch of more personal stuff that I just won't put out there. I've been judged harshly because of the way my life appears to be on my blog, but whatever. The people who really know me and what's going on with me are the ones who matter.

July 3, 2011 at 4:08 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

this happens to me at family functions or with friends I don't see tons ALL THE TIME. No one asks me anything about myself because they assume they know. I find it to be the rudest, most horrible feeling.

that said, if they want to assume they know all about me? I let them. they are clearly not good friends to me.

July 3, 2011 at 4:59 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

We'll hear that from time to time from extended family whom we never see.I think you are wise to limit what you put on your blog. I'm the same way. It is a public forum after all, and once it's there, it's there!

July 3, 2011 at 6:33 PM  
Blogger From Tracie said...

I feel the same way! I have had this said to me before, and it did hurt. It seems to me that a good friend would expect that she was going to learn more from you than what you show to the entire world.

July 3, 2011 at 10:47 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Especially since you post often, I could see non-bloggers thinking they KNOW all about you. But that's so far from the truth!

July 4, 2011 at 8:52 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I hope next time this happens (if it happens again) that you can answer with what you really want to say because it's rude of that person to think they know everything that is going on just because they read your blog.

July 4, 2011 at 11:54 PM  
Anonymous Jaime {james and jax} said...

This has happened to me SO many times. It hurts, to be honest. It makes me feel lonely. It is the number one downside to blogging. I put so much out there (but like you said, not the really personal stuff that I might share with close friends) that friends think they're all caught up on my life and don't need to call or even email to see how I'm doing. And then I have no idea what's going on in their lives! It's frustrating. I've blogged about this before too: There was a week when 3 of my girlfriends said that to me, and it really got me down.

July 5, 2011 at 5:46 AM  
Anonymous Missy | The Literal Mom said...

That was just happening like crazy this weekend when I was with family I don't see very often! It actually doesn't bother me too much because the things I have as "off-limits" on the blog are also things I don't talk about openly IRL either, if that makes sense.

July 5, 2011 at 5:43 PM  
Blogger Coreen said...

I've heard this before too, which I find funny since I don't blog that often. But people are dumb.

Don't let it get you down and you shouldn't feel bad - she should be the one who feels bad! She is the one missing out on really knowing you and having you in her life. Which sucks for her because you are so much more than your blog.

July 6, 2011 at 3:10 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I've had some weird conversations where I will start to say something then someone will cut me off and say "oh I already read that on your blog" and sometimes they are people I had no idea were readers. Makes me feel like some people just read to be nosey.

July 6, 2011 at 8:21 PM  

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