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Saturday, May 28, 2011

Left Behind

It's not an exclusive club.

Anyone can join and often do when they least expect it.

Dues are paid in tears.

The moment you lose someone close to you, the very instant you learn of their deaths, you immediately become a lifetime member of a group you never wanted to be associated with.

You are one of the ones left behind.

You now have a kinship and a bond with fellow suffers of grief and loss whether you like it or not.

It doesn't matter if you lose and an aunt, grandmother, best friend or father, you now "get" it. Or, at least have the ability to understand a little better what other "members" of this grief stricken club are going through. You can empathize in a way few can.

When you lose someone, other people's losses are harder on you. In part because it conjures up your own loss and because you know what they are going through. You know that kind of pain.

I learned yesterday that my cousin's son, Zach died.

He shot himself for reasons that are still unclear to me, as well as the rest of our family.

I never met Zach. I regret that, not because he's gone now, but because he was family.

I know two things about death: it's final and a parent should never outlive their child.

My heart aches for Zach's mother and father.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Erin said...

I am so sorry! I am a part of that club! My brother died 15 years ago today!
And you are right a parent should never outlive their children!
Sending good thoughts to you and Zach's parents!

May 28, 2011 at 2:52 PM  
Blogger Teresa said...

How awful! I am so sorry and prayers go out to your family.

May 28, 2011 at 4:33 PM  
Blogger Alison@Mama Wants This said...

I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss, Tonya.

May 28, 2011 at 5:26 PM  
Blogger alicia said...

Aww. I'm so sorry hon. What a terrible loss. And a terrible reminder of the loss you already have. Sending hugs your way!

May 28, 2011 at 6:05 PM  
Anonymous Sara @ Periwinkle Papillon said...

I am so very sorry. You are so right. It's a club that no one wants to belong to. My deepest condolences.

May 28, 2011 at 8:04 PM  
Anonymous Kimberly said...

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs, thoughts and prayers your way!

May 28, 2011 at 8:30 PM  
Blogger Miel et Lait said...

How tragic! I know there's nothing that can be written to make this better, but know that I've already sent out prayers for strength & comfort to you & your family.

May 28, 2011 at 8:50 PM  
Blogger Sluiter Nation said...

totally shitty club. I am a member too many times.

Love and peace to you and your family

May 29, 2011 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I am so so sorry Tonya, I know too well what feelings a new loss can bring back. Hope you are doing okay, I'm here if you need me.

May 29, 2011 at 7:48 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I am so sorry for your loss and the loss of your cousin's child. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

May 29, 2011 at 7:52 PM  
Anonymous Hhmiller said...

Heartbreaking in so many ways. I am sorry for your family's loss Tonya.

May 29, 2011 at 8:15 PM  
Blogger Leah said...

It's incredibly sad. I wish that I reached out more to him. We had talked earlier in the year via Facebook about Zach even coming to visit me here in LA. I wish that I had really put something on the schedule. I ache for his parents and sister and brother as well. This is awful.

May 30, 2011 at 9:45 PM  

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