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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A Second Child

There was a time when my husband and I wanted to have (gulp) three children, but chances are with more than one miscarriage and my our advancing age, that won't be happening. We are hopeful that we will have at least one more...

We are currently in the throes of deciding when the perfect time is to have another baby, so I love hearing how other couples reached this decision and how it affected their threesome, which is why I invited Jessica of My Time As Mom here today.

Jessica has become my late night Scrabble friend and I love reading about her two adorable little girls. Jessica's youngest is Lucas' age, so we spend a lot of time
commiserating comparing notes with one another over nap time, bedtime and toddlerhood.

Please welcome, Jessica!

--------------------------------------------------------------------
For five years life was spent with one child. My daughter was the center of attention, the joy of our lives, and the beginning of my gray hair.

My husband and I both worked full time and I was also going to college full time. Life was busy but we were still able to spend time as a family, just the three of us.

But we talked; we talked a lot about having a second child. We thought we could afford another kid. We thought we would have enough love for an addition to our family.

But we also thought what the hell are we thinking?

Our daughter was five. She could feed herself. She slept through the night. She was potty trained. I could sleep late in the mornings.

She was almost in school and the daycare bills had an end in sight – finally.

We would be starting all over.

Being pregnant again, my body growing and stretching after I worked so hard to get it back to normal after the first child. Our life would be filled with sleepless nights, diaper changing, baby crying, and car seat carrying. Money would be spent on countless baby accessories instead of designer jeans and flip-flops (for me of course).

Did we really want to give up the freedoms we had spent years gaining back as our daughter became older?

The truth – yes, we did want to give up these things. We wanted a second child. We wanted our oldest to have a sibling to share her life with just as my husband and I both had as kids. We wanted another person in our family and we wanted to start all over again.

So we did. And we have never regretted the decision.

Will we have a third?

No freaking way!!

I urge you to follow Jessica on Twitter and Facebook and look for her posts: Bedtime with a Toddler Sucks, because it's hilarious and Cheater Cheater, in which she admits to cheating at Scrabble and yet, I still play with her every night. Hmmm.

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22 Comments:

Blogger Alison said...

Perfect timing for me to read this post. I'm in the throes of baby fever and this just justified all my desires. Siblings are the way to go. I have 3 and wouldn't trade them for anything (ok sometimes, I do).

Thanks Jessica! And Tonya!

April 12, 2011 at 9:45 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Thank you Tonya for letting me guest post. I loved the intro and the end! I'm glad you still play Scrabble with me despite my cheating ways. :)

April 12, 2011 at 9:49 PM  
Blogger Coreen said...

It took us longer to have our second than I wanted and the irony of starting over with diapers and expensive daycare wasn't lost on us but we weren't "done", at least I wasn't and our family didn't feel complete until we had our 2nd. Now, it's just right!

April 12, 2011 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous Miel Abeille said...

Sweet post! I just found Jessica & I'm loving her blog, too!

April 12, 2011 at 11:38 PM  
Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

We are just three. It was the best decision for us, but I know it isn't for many.

April 13, 2011 at 3:41 AM  
Blogger Heidiopia said...

Nice post, Jessica! Children bring so much joy, how could you ever regret that decision, right? Be blessed!

April 13, 2011 at 3:49 AM  
Blogger Elena said...

We talked over and over about a 2nd as well and did finally take the plunge. Oh, and I agree - no freaking way to a number 3! Closed shop. I'm on a mission to beat the both of you in our threesome. ;)

April 13, 2011 at 3:51 AM  
Anonymous Galit Breen said...

It is such a big decision, isn't it? We felt the same way each time- but we're just over the "hump!" But, for us, for me- I knew that we weren't complete. Until now. We're crazily and sleeplessly complete!

Great post Jessica!! & a lovely host, too! :)

April 13, 2011 at 4:27 AM  
Blogger Natalie said...

Great post Jessica...so sweet! :)

April 13, 2011 at 4:50 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Oh, I remember these thoughts and feelings all too well! Our son was 4 1/2 when our daughter was born, and we were so far past diapers and pacifiers...but so willing to go back there.

April 13, 2011 at 7:08 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

My kids are LESS than 18 months apart. I barely remember those first couple of years. I don't regret it for a second, though. They are now the best of friends and only one year apart in school. So I can't relate to the "going back" because I had two babies on my hands! But I'm totally with you - NO THIRD. NO WAY.

April 13, 2011 at 9:31 AM  
Blogger Chic Homeschool Mama said...

Oh boy- had those thoughts before. We have been toying with the idea of a 4th for a long time. Actually I have been dreaming about it since the 3rd was born & I finally got the hubs on board a couple years ago. Now the only problem is that I am now old enough to actually think practically about the whole thing. Our house is too small- our budget is too small & I have so little free time as it is & we are getting ready to cancel our health insurance because of the cost increases. It's just not going to happen- years ago I would not have thought it through & just done it- that's how the other 3 got here- which I am so happy it happened that way. But now- I have to come to grips with the fact that it's not meant to be.

April 13, 2011 at 9:47 AM  
Anonymous Gian Sorreta said...

Haha love the end :)

"Will we have a third?

No freaking way!!"

April 13, 2011 at 10:07 AM  
Anonymous Sheila @ Pieces of a Mom said...

What a great post and a great perspective. Once we made the choice to have a second (and our last), we never looked back. And now, 5 years later just as the day we had her, we couldn't imagine our lives without her.

Thanks to Jessica for sharing her story.

April 13, 2011 at 10:12 AM  
Blogger KLZ said...

I think there isn't a perfect time.

April 13, 2011 at 10:12 AM  
Blogger Shell said...

LMAO @ no freaking way.

That is how I feel about a 4th.

April 13, 2011 at 10:35 AM  
Blogger Mommy's Paradise said...

Big decision to go for no. 2 (or 3 or 4 or ...), for me 1 is enough, even though Hubs might see it differently. I grew up as a single child and looking back, I didn't really miss anything. As a child I just saw my friends always fighting with their siblings. And you learn to make friends early on, you just have too.
But every couple has to make the decision for themselves, depending on the circumstances and as KLZ said: There isn't a perfect time.

April 13, 2011 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

The starting over part is what is so hard to do. Once life gets back to "normal," it can be hard to feel like you'll ever get back there again.

April 13, 2011 at 12:45 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Great post. I think we are finally done. For a while I wanted one more but I have decided that I'm all set with the baby days and are ready to move on and sleep through the night and not carry a diaper bag one of these days. Hoping for number 2 for you soon Tonya!

April 13, 2011 at 1:28 PM  
Anonymous Cam - Bibs & Baubles said...

we're currently looking at trying for baby number two. i can't like - it freaks me out! my baby is almost 1 1/2 and I am so scared of starting over. I do want him to have a sibling though. I'm an only child. While it was cool when I was younger it kinda sucks now. Don't want hat for him. My husband would like a third and a fourth. There's no way!!

April 13, 2011 at 1:34 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

It is hard to make a decision, and timing can be even harder! We just went for it (luckily, because it took us two years to get our second) and we are so glad we did.

April 13, 2011 at 4:07 PM  
OpenID mamatrack.com said...

Great post! I love hearing the story of someone who's already been through it. Thanks for sharing!

April 13, 2011 at 4:39 PM  

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